Quick Update During a Return to Office
Orange and gray balloons punctuate the rows of monitors on the production floor today. I haven't done anything remotely of note since I arrived at the office, earlier than usual, despite the August rain's attempt to sweep the streets of QC of its sinners. Shielded by privilege, harbored by a stranger's car, yawn for a single hour of sleep, stomach-aches, forced smiles for the camera, genuine laughter during bids for connection, etc.
There is a Communist badge pinned on my belt, hidden under my shirt. I bought it from a garage sale near my old apartment 5 years ago.
One of my co-workers, K.V., recommended Ocean Vuong's essay, The Weight of Our Living: On Hope, Fire Escapes, and Visible Desperation. She remembered reading it as poetry (I owe her my recent fondness for Mary Oliver), which isn’t entirely incorrect.
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world, says Wittgenstein. And if we continue to censor our most vital dialogues, our world can only grow smaller. And here, the poem does not necessitate admittance to anyone’s dinner table. It speaks to whomever chooses to listen, whomever needs it. But mostly, it avoids the easy answers, the limited and stunted, convenient closures. And maybe all a poem can really do is remind us that we are not alone—in our feelings. And maybe that’s nothing. And maybe that’s more than enough.
I read the entire piece on the company laptop, while talking about The Ease of Catching Feelings with C., another co-worker.
Rather surreptitiously I also consider both K.V. and C. (along with M. and P.B.) as my friends - a loaded term in the city where relationships tend to wilt, or against all odds blossom between the cracks on the pavement.
I wish I brought a book so I can share my favorite passages with whoever is willing to listen.
Side-quests Accomplished
🗡️ Watched both The Odyssey and Spider-man: Brand New Day
Today's Stat Block
STR: 0
DEX: 0
CON: -1 My stomach aches
INT: +1 Reading does spectacular things to your brain
WIS: +1 Reading good books does spectacular things to your brain
CHA: +1 Felt cute today, maybe